Style Conversational Week 1255: Loserz With Gratitude
But for once, our phenom misses out — almost — on our Thanksgiving feast
Bob Staake's sketch for another of this week's examples. We ended up
going with Insanta Claus, to reinforce the holiday theme for Week 1255.
(Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
By Pat Myers
Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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November 22, 2017
*LAST-MOMENT THANKSGIVING BOUNTY — 50 percent off a digital subscription!*
Literally minutes ago, I heard in-house about The Post’s new
subscription promotion — $50 for a year of The Post online, with all its
content. I get emails from regular Style Invitational and Style
Conversational readers asking me how to avoid The Post’s paywall for
nonsubscribers. But really, when a subscription costs less than $1 a
week, isn’t it worth it to you to pay for it? Here’s the link
; I
don’t know when it expires. (If you’re already a subscriber, you
probably can’t see the offer unless you sign out of your Post account,
or use another browser.)
We now resume with your regularly scheduled program.
**Ha, poor Jesse Frankovich. The guy has had an utterly phenomenal
couple of years in The Style Invitational — this year’s Loser Stats show
that since March 12 (the start of “Loser Year 25”) Jesse has amassed 104
blots of Invite ink in 36 weeks: On average, that’s 2.89 printed entries
every week — putting him on a pace to score a ridiculous 150 by next
March, by far the highest single-year total since the Empress instituted
a limit of 25 entries per week.
Which has made the predictive-modeling whiz for the Michigan
transportation department a celebrity, at least in Invite circles. And
the object of great envy, to judge from the entries from our Week 1251
contest for things to be thankful for: I was trying to choose among
/four /entries that mentioned Jesse (as well as Scoringest Loser Ever
Chris Doyle):
Jesse Frankovich's Facebook profile photo. Jesse has been blotting up so
much ink lately that at least four people sent in entries about him.
Alas, they didn't work this week. (Family photo)
— I’m thankful that Jesse Frankovich is limited to 25 entries. (Bill
Dorner)
— I am thankful that the Empress thinks this is so clever that it must
have been submitted by Jesse Frankovich. (Dudley Thompson)
— I’m thankful that I sent in 25 terrible entries in the name of Jesse
Frankovich before he could enter for himself. (Jon Gearhart)
— I am thankful that the Empress has not yet seen through my “Jesse
Frankovich” and “Chris Doyle” pseudonyms, so I still get to submit 75
entries a week. (Duncan Stevens)
So what happens in this week’s results?
Bill, Dudley, and Duncan /all/ get ink! (Sorry, Jon.) But not with any
of the entries above because /Jesse gets nada! / For the first time
since July 27 — 17 weeks ago — Jesse won’t win a Lose Cannon or gag
second prize or Loser Mug or Grossery Bag or honorable-mention magnet:
None of Jesse’s thank-jokes was among this week’s 37 inking entries, so
obviously any the jokes above would be inexplicable to a reader who
doesn’t regularly read the Invite. Looking back at my shortlist, which
had about double the number of entries that got ink, I see that several
of Jesse’s efforts were in that second half (I don’t look up the
entrants’ names until I’m putting them into the paper).
But still, even coming up empty with thank-jokes, Jesse still manages to
get ink this week — twice. His “Thanksgoofing” headline and “No Merci”
honorable-mentions subhead count as points in Elden Carnahan’s Loser
Stats , for Blots 251 and 252 all-time.
*About “revised titles” entries: *By the way, I don’t think I’ve ever
stated this as a rule, because it hasn’t been a judging problem, so here
it is: You may suggest “revised titles” — the headlines for the week’s
results — and honorable-mentions subheads in addition to your maximum 25
regular entries. And, were you to come up with a gusher of ideas for a
single headline or subhead, don’t send me more than 25 each. You can
send them either on the same entry form with your regular entries or on
a separate form; they all end up on the same master list. Do note that
because of a redesign of the print page, the alternative headline has to
be short, just a couple of words, if I need to add some idea of what the
contest is about. The honorable-mentions subhead gets two lines and can
be slightly longer.
Nasti Spumante, one of Bob's ideas for this week's Tour de Fours
contest. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post )
*LOSERZ WITH GRATITUDE: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1251*
Lots of fun “things to be thankful for” in Week 1251; I’m glad we
repeated the Week 681 contest from 2006. And we’ll have 31 Losers (not
counting Jesse) who might be thankful next week for a little Invite
swag; the ink was really spread around this week, with no one getting
more than two blots. As with the first time around, some of the entries
were Thanksgiving-themed, like Kel Nagel’s relief that turkeys breasts
don’t have nipples, or Christy Tosatto’s that Grandpa’s now too far gone
to do his usual racist rants, or Frank Osen’s gratitude that it’s just
on Turkey Day that we eat the mascot, rather than on Groundhog Day. But
most were general observational humor — including the inevitable
political digs.
And of course the Loser Community wasn’t going to ignore Topic A this
month: the horrifying but important revelations of sexual harassment
(and worse) at the slimy hands of Harvey Weinstein and other exploiters
of their power over other people’s careers and lives. And I just loved
the proudly thankful, and vengeful, declaration by the Oscar statue
itself that its naked body wasn’t going to be grabbed by Harvey ever
again. That came courtesy of John O’Byrne, who’s been sending us entries
from Ireland since back in Week 334, and has traveled across the pond to
attend several Loser events over the years. It’s John’s 172nd blot of
ink, and his fourth contest win, but his first of our new trophy, the
Lose Cannon.
Dudley Thompson, who along with wife Susan goes even farther back in
Invite history (Week 171) wins the lovelyroast-turkey hat
just in time for Thanksgiving 2018, with his thanks that Twitter doesn’t
smell — a dig so good that we looked around to see if it was already a
meme. It’s the 133rd ink for Dudley, and his 17th “above the fold,”
including five wins.
Rounding out the Losers’ Circle, by contrast, are newer names: Kel
Nagel, of the turkey breast nipples, scores Ink 13, and his second
runner-up prize. And yay, a First Offender! It’s the first blot of ink
ever for Nancy Provorny, who’ll be getting her FirStink
for her first ink, along with, like Kel, her choice of theLoser Mug
or
Grossery Bag
.
Let me know, guys!
*What Doug Dug: * This week’s favorites of Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood
are Kel’s and Dudley’s runners-up, plus Beverley Sharp’s thanks that
oysters on the half shell don’t have faces, and Barbara Turner’s “And
Last” Russian-accented communique about the Invitational.
*Gratuities Not Included* — the unprintables: *
(*Headline suggested expressly for this purpose by Jeff Contompasis)
Among those we were obliged to say no thanks to this week:
I’m thankful that my vegan wife’s refusal to put anything in her mouth
that had a mother extends only to her dietary requirements. (Jon Ketzner)
... that turducken contains no turd. (Bill Dorner)
... that my roommate won’t be pinching my cigarettes anymore, now that
she has lung cancer. (Rachel Bernhardt). Rachel did preface her entry by
wondering “Beyond the bounds of decency?” Yeah, I’d say so.
*MORE ‘FOURS’ FEEDING: WEEK 1255 *
Our Tour de Fours neologism contest — based on a similar one that ran
regularly in the old New York Magazine Competition — hasn’t failed us
yet, and I hope SANT (or ANTS, STAN, NATS, etc.) will do the trick — the
letter block certainly /seems/ promising. Don’t worry about highlighting
the letter block in your entry, as I’ve done in this week’s examples
, since boldface doesn’t transmit on our
entry form, even with HTML coding. I think it’s pretty clear what we’re
looking for, and of course we haven’t done this specific Tour de Fours
before. But for inspiration, and just your reading pleasure, here are
some links to previous results.
Week 1201, NOVE
.
Week 1094, TAXI
Week 1042, SANE
Have a happy Thanksgiving weekend, all — even those who live in
Thankless countries — and have fun with friends and family or just your
solitary self with Week 1254 and Week 1255
. You have an extra day because we’re here a
day early! And seriously, I cannot thank you enough for your support for
this contest, for your patience with my sometimes bumbling execution of
it, for your donations of ridiculous prizes, and for all the time you
waste spend on it.