Style Conversational Week 1255: Loserz With Gratitude But for once, our phenom misses out — almost — on our Thanksgiving feast Bob Staake's sketch for another of this week's examples. We ended up going with Insanta Claus, to reinforce the holiday theme for Week 1255. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // November 22, 2017 *LAST-MOMENT THANKSGIVING BOUNTY — 50 percent off a digital subscription!* Literally minutes ago, I heard in-house about The Post’s new subscription promotion — $50 for a year of The Post online, with all its content. I get emails from regular Style Invitational and Style Conversational readers asking me how to avoid The Post’s paywall for nonsubscribers. But really, when a subscription costs less than $1 a week, isn’t it worth it to you to pay for it? Here’s the link ; I don’t know when it expires. (If you’re already a subscriber, you probably can’t see the offer unless you sign out of your Post account, or use another browser.) We now resume with your regularly scheduled program. **Ha, poor Jesse Frankovich. The guy has had an utterly phenomenal couple of years in The Style Invitational — this year’s Loser Stats show that since March 12 (the start of “Loser Year 25”) Jesse has amassed 104 blots of Invite ink in 36 weeks: On average, that’s 2.89 printed entries every week — putting him on a pace to score a ridiculous 150 by next March, by far the highest single-year total since the Empress instituted a limit of 25 entries per week. Which has made the predictive-modeling whiz for the Michigan transportation department a celebrity, at least in Invite circles. And the object of great envy, to judge from the entries from our Week 1251 contest for things to be thankful for: I was trying to choose among /four /entries that mentioned Jesse (as well as Scoringest Loser Ever Chris Doyle): Jesse Frankovich's Facebook profile photo. Jesse has been blotting up so much ink lately that at least four people sent in entries about him. Alas, they didn't work this week. (Family photo) — I’m thankful that Jesse Frankovich is limited to 25 entries. (Bill Dorner) — I am thankful that the Empress thinks this is so clever that it must have been submitted by Jesse Frankovich. (Dudley Thompson) — I’m thankful that I sent in 25 terrible entries in the name of Jesse Frankovich before he could enter for himself. (Jon Gearhart) — I am thankful that the Empress has not yet seen through my “Jesse Frankovich” and “Chris Doyle” pseudonyms, so I still get to submit 75 entries a week. (Duncan Stevens) So what happens in this week’s results? Bill, Dudley, and Duncan /all/ get ink! (Sorry, Jon.) But not with any of the entries above because /Jesse gets nada! / For the first time since July 27 — 17 weeks ago — Jesse won’t win a Lose Cannon or gag second prize or Loser Mug or Grossery Bag or honorable-mention magnet: None of Jesse’s thank-jokes was among this week’s 37 inking entries, so obviously any the jokes above would be inexplicable to a reader who doesn’t regularly read the Invite. Looking back at my short­list, which had about double the number of entries that got ink, I see that several of Jesse’s efforts were in that second half (I don’t look up the entrants’ names until I’m putting them into the paper). But still, even coming up empty with thank-jokes, Jesse still manages to get ink this week — twice. His “Thanksgoofing” headline and “No Merci” honorable-mentions subhead count as points in Elden Carnahan’s Loser Stats , for Blots 251 and 252 all-time. *About “revised titles” entries: *By the way, I don’t think I’ve ever stated this as a rule, because it hasn’t been a judging problem, so here it is: You may suggest “revised titles” — the headlines for the week’s results — and honorable-mentions subheads in addition to your maximum 25 regular entries. And, were you to come up with a gusher of ideas for a single headline or subhead, don’t send me more than 25 each. You can send them either on the same entry form with your regular entries or on a separate form; they all end up on the same master list. Do note that because of a redesign of the print page, the alternative headline has to be short, just a couple of words, if I need to add some idea of what the contest is about. The honorable-mentions subhead gets two lines and can be slightly longer. Nasti Spumante, one of Bob's ideas for this week's Tour de Fours contest. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post ) *LOSERZ WITH GRATITUDE: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1251* Lots of fun “things to be thankful for” in Week 1251; I’m glad we repeated the Week 681 contest from 2006. And we’ll have 31 Losers (not counting Jesse) who might be thankful next week for a little Invite swag; the ink was really spread around this week, with no one getting more than two blots. As with the first time around, some of the entries were Thanksgiving-themed, like Kel Nagel’s relief that turkeys breasts don’t have nipples, or Christy Tosatto’s that Grandpa’s now too far gone to do his usual racist rants, or Frank Osen’s gratitude that it’s just on Turkey Day that we eat the mascot, rather than on Groundhog Day. But most were general observational humor — including the inevitable political digs. And of course the Loser Community wasn’t going to ignore Topic A this month: the horrifying but important revelations of sexual harassment (and worse) at the slimy hands of Harvey Weinstein and other exploiters of their power over other people’s careers and lives. And I just loved the proudly thankful, and vengeful, declaration by the Oscar statue itself that its naked body wasn’t going to be grabbed by Harvey ever again. That came courtesy of John O’Byrne, who’s been sending us entries from Ireland since back in Week 334, and has traveled across the pond to attend several Loser events over the years. It’s John’s 172nd blot of ink, and his fourth contest win, but his first of our new trophy, the Lose Cannon. Dudley Thompson, who along with wife Susan goes even farther back in Invite history (Week 171) wins the lovelyroast-turkey hat just in time for Thanksgiving 2018, with his thanks that Twitter doesn’t smell — a dig so good that we looked around to see if it was already a meme. It’s the 133rd ink for Dudley, and his 17th “above the fold,” including five wins. Rounding out the Losers’ Circle, by contrast, are newer names: Kel Nagel, of the turkey breast nipples, scores Ink 13, and his second runner-up prize. And yay, a First Offender! It’s the first blot of ink ever for Nancy Provorny, who’ll be getting her FirStink for her first ink, along with, like Kel, her choice of theLoser Mug or Grossery Bag . Let me know, guys! *What Doug Dug: * This week’s favorites of Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood are Kel’s and Dudley’s runners-up, plus Beverley Sharp’s thanks that oysters on the half shell don’t have faces, and Barbara Turner’s “And Last” Russian-accented communique about the Invitational. *Gratuities Not Included* — the unprintables: * (*Headline suggested expressly for this purpose by Jeff Contompasis) Among those we were obliged to say no thanks to this week: I’m thankful that my vegan wife’s refusal to put anything in her mouth that had a mother extends only to her dietary requirements. (Jon Ketzner) ... that turducken contains no turd. (Bill Dorner) ... that my roommate won’t be pinching my cigarettes anymore, now that she has lung cancer. (Rachel Bernhardt). Rachel did preface her entry by wondering “Beyond the bounds of decency?” Yeah, I’d say so. *MORE ‘FOURS’ FEEDING: WEEK 1255 * Our Tour de Fours neologism contest — based on a similar one that ran regularly in the old New York Magazine Competition — hasn’t failed us yet, and I hope SANT (or ANTS, STAN, NATS, etc.) will do the trick — the letter block certainly /seems/ promising. Don’t worry about highlighting the letter block in your entry, as I’ve done in this week’s examples , since boldface doesn’t transmit on our entry form, even with HTML coding. I think it’s pretty clear what we’re looking for, and of course we haven’t done this specific Tour de Fours before. But for inspiration, and just your reading pleasure, here are some links to previous results. Week 1201, NOVE . Week 1094, TAXI Week 1042, SANE Have a happy Thanksgiving weekend, all — even those who live in Thankless countries — and have fun with friends and family or just your solitary self with Week 1254 and Week 1255 . You have an extra day because we’re here a day early! And seriously, I cannot thank you enough for your support for this contest, for your patience with my sometimes bumbling execution of it, for your donations of ridiculous prizes, and for all the time you waste spend on it.